Part of building an environment for results is dealing with the well meaning friends. Your friends and family are a massive factor as they make up your peer group and most common social interaction. So what does it really mean when then give you their advice on what you should be doing?
The first thing to realise is that in most cases these people want what is best for you…. if it is also good for them. Everybody wants to find ways to feel good about themselves and whether we like it or not, we are selfish as humans. We naturally always think “what about me?” And rightly so, we are pre disposed to make sure we are ok and going to thrive.
The most common way this comes out is when you start moving ahead of your peer group. You are the sum of your average and as long as you stay average within your peer group, everyone is happy. If you choose to get yourself in great shape or take positive steps to get healthy and this doesn’t fit the peer group dynamic, you start seeing the issues arise.
A great example is thinking of crabs in a bucket. If you have crabs in a bucket and one starts to climb out, the other crabs will pull that crab back down. This is the same with your peer group. As soon as yo start taking steps to move in a different way then the peer group doesn’t like it.
Everyone seeks comfort but this is a dangerous place to be.
Your peer group are thinking you are changing to then eventually move to another group. They also worry you will expose shortcomings with them that they could change but don’t really want to. They consciously or sub-consciously think if they bring you back down then all will be right with the world.
This is the time when you have ‘outgrown friends’ to find a new peer group that will suit your needs. It is normal and will continue to happen until the end of time.
The major problem with this is when you let this influence effect you. So what can you do about it?
A lot of how you deal with it will be to do with your character. Personally I have a very logical way about me so if someone is stopping me from progressing then I voice my concern and if it doesn’t change I then move on. This is not for everyone but luckily not everyone is like me.
Whichever way you choose to deal with, you need to make sure you do these points so the ‘advice’ doesn’t win.
- Look at what you are trying to achieve and commit to either carry on or give up (trick question as I know you will carry on)
- Identify the problem peer group and voice your concern and state that you are doing this so support is needed not opinion
- Make sure you have expert help involved to ensure you really are doing the right thing
- Make the offer to see if the person or peer group would like to try the same thing
- Be prepared to make changes if person or peer group is hell bent on keeping you down
It may sound pretty drastic but I do believe we let other people have to much influence in our personal goals. You are the one who has the power and ability to shape your body, business, life or whatever it is.
My final bit of advice is to take action today, the longer you leave a situation the harder it is to climb out of the bucket!
Written by Pete Drinkwater